Ideally, we all want to be surrounded by caring people. But it doesn’t come that easy! I totally get the reasons why some choose to shy away from people. Relationships can be messy. You will never run out of things to say why you need to step back and choose to stay out of human connections. Let me give you a few:
- People could be toxic. They will irritate you to the point of exhaustion. And worse, some couldn’t even acknowledge their toxicity. They don’t care even a little about what others feel and think of them.
- People could be demanding. Instead of thinking only of your own needs and wants, you’ll also need to take care of others. While this is done in love and must not be prompted by reciprocity, it will be too taxing especially if you’re used to taking care only of yourself.
- People could be frail. Sometimes they will disappoint and frustrate you. Not everyone can understand and catch up to your wavelength. Sometimes, their best does not meet your definition of what’s best. And you must deal with it.
These and many other factors keep some of us from attaching to people. I know some who would rather keep themselves in their rooms than engage with others. Though they are not totally anti-social, some do border on being one.
But what if instead of looking at relationships as messy, we look past people’s issues and think of them as individuals like us who are on their daily quest to be better versions of themselves?
As my then-fiancée-now-wife and I were preparing for our wedding, we witnessed how people are so moved by our decision that they not only wish us well but also wanted the best for us. It felt surreal.
It is not easy for both of us to get into mushy-mushy kinds of connections. We love people, yes, but socialization is a huge challenge for us. It feels draining, and sometimes awkward. But we were encouraged to share our decision in public to “let people celebrate with us.” Inasmuch as we wanted to, we desire our relationship private. But private doesn’t have to be secret.
There’s a blessing when you try to connect with people and somehow involve them in your life. Here’s what we have enjoyed as a couple so far.
- People extend help if you allow them to. Some people wanted to bless you with kind words and in-kind. You just need to be open. We learned that some find joy in giving out a portion of themselves to people without expecting anything in return. They live out the truth that it is more blessed to give than to receive.
- People will rally behind you when they see your heart. We stay away from fake people. On the reverse, when we see how genuine a person is, their personality draws us to them. So, when people see that we are genuine deep inside, we’ll never run out of people who will support us and make us feel loved.
- The default in people is to love. This is what I seriously believe in. Our rough edges are mere results of our wounds, as a defense mechanism. But I know deep within us lies a fountain of love and care that we are always ready to give over to people as long as we overcome our tendency to guard ourselves.
It’s a blessing when we are surrounded by caring people. If you haven’t found your niche, perhaps you can begin by opening a portion of yourself to let people have a peek through you. It begins with a decision to extend yourself, even little by little, as long as you are comfortable.
We get the most out of life when we enjoy it with others.